As you may already know…
Thandi finally discovered that she is autistic after she was assessed in 2024.
This is important to know because it explains how her nervous system processes everyday stress. Thandi has profound struggles with an aspect of autism known as Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). PDA means that various tasks (even sometimes just answering an innocent little text message) are experienced as overwhelming demands to her nervous system. When stress spikes, her nervous system shuts down to protect itself, making responding feel nearly impossible.
Ironically, the messages Thandi cares about most are often the hardest to answer. She overprioritises these interactions to the point of complete paralysis. A message from a loved one carries so much significance that it transforms into an overwhelming demand, stalling her ability to reply.
Autistic minds naturally tend to ruminate, and this is worsened by suspected moral OCD. Thandi has not forgotten your message—she thinks about it constantly. She admonishes herself daily for leaving people hanging, feeling deep guilt because leaving a text unanswered feels profoundly disrespectful.
This struggle is serious.
Enough so that she created Thandicantreplyrightnow.com to explain what is happening, so anyone waiting on a reply feels less alone or rejected. If this were an issue she could magically fix, she would.
Trying to navigate the world as a neurodivergent individual not only requires more time, money, and resources but also requires one to encounter more failure. There is a reason her degree remains unfinished. This is why she uses the services of various mental health professionals.
Right now, Thandi is caught in a heavy backlog of messages, creating a vicious cycle of shame that makes texting even harder. She is actively working on this and trying to be kinder to herself, though avoiding self-judgment remains a challenge. She hopes her friends can extend the sympathy and forgiveness she is still learning to give herself.
“Why You No Reply??”
